Photo courtesy of David Putzier at Flickr.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Beaver Jokes

GO DUCKS!
• The gift that keeps on giving. These never get old, enjoy!

Did you hear about the power outage in Corvallis?
30 people were stuck on the escalator for five hours.

What does the average Corvallis high school student get on their SAT?
Drool

Why did they raise the drinking age in Corvallis to 25?
They wanted to keep booze out of the high schools.

What's the most popular pickup line in Corvallis?
Nice tooth.

Did you hear that the President of OSU's mansion burned down over the weekend? Almost took the whole trailer park with it.

Mike Riley passes away, and God rewards him with a house in heaven. Mike doesn't want to be disrespectful, or ungrateful, but can't help but ask why he was given such a small home, but Chip Kelly has the huge mansion on the hill, decked out with everything Ducks...people laughing and having a great time there. God replied," Oh Mike, that's not Chip's house...that's my house."

Why don't OSU football players count sheep to fall asleep at night? They have other plans for their four legged friends.

I've always felt that being a Beaver prepares you for life. You learn not to expect too much.

What do you call a Beaver golfing with an IQ of 120?
A foursome!

What's the biggest lie told in Corvallis?
"I was just helping that sheep over the fence."

Why do Beaver football players only wear Levi 501 jeans?
Zippers make Sheep nervous.

Why is a tornado and a Beaver divorce similar?
You know someone is going to lose a house trailer!

What does a Beaver say to a Duck at MacDonald's?
"Do you want to Supersize that?"

An OSU student walked into a bar in Eugene and ordered two beers. After he paid for the beers he drank one and poured the other one all over his right hand. The bartender was curious to what he was doing so he asked him, and the OSU student replied "I'm trying to get my date drunk."

One day at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter was greeting new comers. The first man was a brilliant engineer Boston College, so he and St. Peter talked about the great structures and buildings of the world. Next was a mathematician from Harvard, so they talked about the most complex mathmatical problems in the history of civilization. The third guy had an IQ of 78 and a six pack in his right hand and St. Peter says, "How 'bout them Beavs!"

What's orange & black and goes 100 mph?
A Beaver in a blender.

Why wasn't Jesus born in Corvallis?
God couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.

How do you make a OSU graduate leave your house?
Pay him for the pizza.

What's black and blue and goes tha-dump, tha-dump, tha-dump?
A Beaver in a dryer.

Why don't they raise chickens in Corvallis?
They plant the eggs too deep.

How do you keep a Beaver out of your front yard?
Put up some goalposts.

Why do OSU graduates put their diploma on the car dashboard?
So they can park in the handicap spots.

Why did OSU decide to put Astro-Turf in Reser Stadium?
To keep the cheerleaders from grazing.

What do you get when you breed a OSU Beaver and a Groundhog?
Six more weeks of bad football.

What does a OSU woman tell her lover when she's done with sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"

GO DUCKS!

1 comment:

DDubbs76 said...

Haha!